Knowledge is power

Better for Both Partners
Control His Mind
Access Denied
Control His Orgasms
Control Your Happiness
Nothing Worth Doing Is Easy
Keep Calm and Lock ON
Chastity & Pleasure
Chastity & Service
Reference: Chastity Belts
Reference: Duration
Reference: FAQ
Reference: Couples

External Links - How to Cage Your Man | Picture Guide | Sarah Jameson's Male Chastity | Elise Sutton Chastity Q&A | Rebecca Lawson | FLR

A few answers to common questions about male chastity and FLRs.

Is a male chastity relationship even something regular people do? Is it wrong to lock a man up? Wouldn't living this kind of life be too weird?
Yes it is normal. It is more and more common all the time. Male chastity belts are a booming industry. No it is not wrong in any way, as long as you get his consent to lock him up in the first place, and to give you control of his releases. It may not be strictly natural, but neither are shampoo, plastics, or antibiotics, yet all are valuable technologies which improve the quality of life and enhance what nature has provided, just like male chastity belts. No, living this kind of life won't make things too strange, and in most ways, not all that different from anyone else's life. If you feel like it is too weird, try adjusting your comfort level, and it will seem very regular before you know it. You can live your life any way you choose, and there is little downside to ruling your home and your relationship. Ask yourself how happy you could be and reach for it.

How do I go about locking him up in the first place?
The how of locking a man in chastity depends on your relationship situation and your strategy. In regards to your situation, the first question is: are you trying to find a chastity boyfriend, or are you trying to lock up a boyfriend or husband you already have. The second question is: is he already into female leadership and/or clearly already submissive to women, and therefore a promising target, or is he just really into you and/or in love with you, but doesn't acknowledge his inner submissive nature. If he doesn't recognize his submissive nature, and isn't really into you, your chances of success are very low. As a result, it is best to approach three promising situations: finding a new boyfriend that is submissive, finding a new boyfriend that is crazy about you, and locking up boyfriend or husband in an already established relationship.

Find a submissive boyfriend - The most direct way of getting a man into chastity is to go out and find one who already recognizes his inner submissive. Find yourself a boyfriend or husband that is already into chastity and FLRs, or one you can tell will take to it easily. There are many men who don't actively embrace female leadership, but who are clearly submissive to women in life or relationships, and most of them can be coaxed, manipulated, and guided into chastity over time with relative ease. There are more and more openly submissive males these days, but finding one that you want to love isn't necessarily easy. It isn't easy to find that in 'vanilla' dating, and the enlightened submissive male pool is sadly still a significantly smaller part of the male population. If you can find both in one male you are on easy street.

Find an adoring boyfriend - Due to the limitations of the submissive men population, the wisest and most successful method is to find yourself a man you enjoy and share interests with who clearly believes you are out of his league. Manipulating males isn't exactly difficult, but getting a man with no prior kinky interests to accept chastity requires some special incentive to get him to bite. This does not mean you need to choose a man that is beneath your standards, just one that is really into you as a person, and who clearly finds you sexy. No need to worry about if he enjoys total female dominance. Once you have him, the chastity belt and his desire for you will do the rest.

Lock up a current boyfriend or husband - If you already have a man that you love, and you want to live the life of a princess with your man under your thumb, tell him about your desire and its importance to you. He may say that he loves you, and do things he thinks are gestures that show his devotion, but chastity offers you the chance to find out how far that really goes, and if he is seriously interested in putting you at the center of his world. Every woman deserves to have a man that cherishes her above all else, and any man who loves playing with his genitals more than pleasing you might not be worthy of the honor of being your man. If you absolutely love your man, and he absolutely won't agree to chastity, you have probably hit a dead end here. If he doesn't love you enough to get locked for you, maybe he will at least let you go out and get a chastity boy for on the side. It is a less immersive and fulfilling relationship to have your chastity boy not your main relationship, but at least one man will be tripping over himself to make you happy.

After the nature of your intened chastity boy is considered, you can devise your strategy or strategies. No matter which approach you are using, it is his male ego you are targeting to get him in to his chastity cage where he belongs. Whether you are appealing to his desire, his love, his word of honor, his inadequacies, or his vulnerabilities, one way or another a man requires either an ego bruising or an ego stroking, or most often the right mix of each, to get him to agree in the first place. It is almost never easy, except with the most willing volunteers, but it is doable. Use the right balance of negative and positive reinforcement, and your natural ability influence and control men, to set the stage. With patience, subtlety, and just the right prodding, otherwise reluctant men can be carefully introduced to chastity control. Choose a strategy most likely to be effective, or use a wide variety of strategies to get your lock where it belongs. Of course, even in our modern society, there will be many men who are just not going to ever agree to be locked up. Choose your target wisely, and remember that the only factor that really matters to lock a man up is how much he desires you, your approval, and happiness. Locking up a man that truly loves or desires you is no easier or harder than getting him to make any other kind of serious commitment, so the question ultimately is about his integrity and character, just like any other part of a female-male relationship. Presented here are some ideas about strategies you might utilize to achieve your goal.

Get him to agree to orgasm control - If going right into chastity is too much of a hurdle for your man, you can make the transition easier by breaking it down into two steps. First you get him to agree to the principle that he should be saving his orgasms for time with you, not wasting his sexual energy masturbating. Men will agree to this far more readily, assuming that you they can still masturbate when you aren't around and get away with it. You can then introduce chastity as your right under his agreement, since he promised you could control them. You can hold his promise over him, and if he says it is uncomfortable and he doesn't want to, you can accuse him of lying to you and masturbating behind your back, or let him know that you doubt his word if he isn't willing to grant you a guarantee of his promise. Even better is use creative wording or vague language in the agreement he promises to commit to. If you add a clause allowing you to monitor and secure compliance in whatever way seems necessary to you, you will have him basically already promising to let you lock him up. You then need only find the right way to hold it over him and you are locked on to your ticket to happiness.

Don't ask - The easiest way to get a man locked in chastity is to simply attach the belt without his consent. Of course, this isn't necessarily the best way, since a man that isn't already somewhat willing, properly conditioned, or fully in love will almost certainly react very negatively to such a move. If you feel you hold enough cards over a man to achieve this anyway, more power to you, but usually this isn't the case. However, if you already have a man that wants you, and is in any way a good candidate for agreeing to be locked eventually, forcing the issue may work just fine. It all depends on the personalities of you and the man in question, the nature of your relationship, and how you go about it. What's the worst that could happen? Probably that he presses some kind of charges, but most men who are so 'macho' that they would react that strongly would probably be far too embarrassed to get the law involved, let alone get a professional to help him get it off on his own. If push came to shove you could always just give him the key and that would be the end of it. Far more likely is that he gets angry and finds a way to get the belt off on his own. If you are serious about the head first dive, make sure to use a metal cage, and if possible, one with a built in lock instead of a padlock, which can easily be picked or cut off with a bolt cutter. Another good idea is to butter him up with the idea of trying it on, or a little chastity play for fun, then tell him that it's staying on, or 'decide' to play for 'a bit' longer, and go from there.

Target his male penis anxiety - Unless your man in question has a truly impressive male member, commenting, teasing, or mocking the size of his penis almost never fails to reach his mind on a deep level. No matter how much a man will try to deny it, a man's ego self image is heavily influenced by his subconscious assessment and anxieties about the size of his penis. Chastity is a great relief for men of small, modest, and average size, since the cage locked on by someone else makes it not his 'fault' that he is small. While this strategy alone probably isn't enough to get most males locked into chastity, this is a great strategy to supplement your other strategies for getting him locked, and is a valuable tool for your manipulation of your man at all times, even long after he is locked up. By making it clear that his penis is not the route to pleasing you, but can become the route to pleasing you through chastity, and the change in focus that will bring, you can help start to shape his attitude towards a pro-chastity position.

What if he tries to back out?
As mentioned above, chastity control will only work if he cares about being with you more than the struggles of chastity. Making your together life fun and sexy, as well as productive and challenging, is the best way to keep him from trying to back out. If you made it clear that chastity is an absolute must for you, and he is just trying to get out of that, stick with it, and even take pleasure in his resistance. He will certainly come around over time. If he just cannot accept it, you are options are back to those mentioned in the prior section.

Do I need to unlock him at night because of involuntary erections?
You certainly do not. The first few weeks will probably involve many new sensations and pains. That is all part of learning to suffer and sacrifice to please you. The initial issue is chemical, and his body will adjust overtime. The more significant issue is mental, on some level he probably doesn't want to be locked, and until he starts wanting in his own mind and private thoughts to please you and to be locked up for that reason, it will seem like a struggle. It is usually best to be firm but encouraging, and do what you can to show that you appreciate his devotion. Until his night time erections subside, and his body gets used to daily life with the device, the solution is simple, have a small bottle of lubricant with him at all times, he should apply it to his balls and the scrotum whenever dryness and chaffing occur, to prevent skin irritation. This will help him significantly with night and morning pains as well, but it is usually helpful at first to have an ibuprofen or other anti-inflammatory by the bed, as it can help to rapidly take the sting out of the first few weeks waking up in chastity.

Shouldn't my man and I strive to be equals, instead of turning him into my total slave?
A balanced relationship is of course the only kind that functions. No relationship is truly one of equals. In the modern world, women are once again the choosers, and have an edge in any relationship, unless they allow men to dominate them. You are simply pushing your advantage to it's natural limits. He will still have his own life, his own interests, and his own ideas. Try it out, and you will almost certainly find that once you both get comfortable with his changing role, you will both be happier for it.

If taking away his manhood is my goal, shouldn't I just consider having his balls removed?
This is not recommended at all. If your boyfriend has agreed to your total control, that is of course up to you, and if you are married, he is your husband and you own him, so again up to you. Most women in FLRs don't want to go this route, so it is not even an issue, but if you find that you are among those that has considered this, think about all that his male hormones are doing in your favor. His desire for his sexual proclivities is what makes chastity so effective. If you take the proverbial carrot away, what is his motivation to please you. If you take away his male hormones, his desire for you sexually will change significantly, and you want that desire to be channeled into appreciation and devotion to your body and your sexual needs. It can certainly be a power trip and great motivator to threaten your man with this kind of talk, if he is being a bad boy, but removing his testicles would only be disadvantaging you.

Will long term chastity cause my man's penis to shrink? Will it cause erectile dysfunction?
Penis shrinking from chastity is mostly a widely believed myth, but there is some aspect of truth to it. The penis has no muscle to shrink from lack of use, and therefore does not get weak from lack of exercise. The penis is made of a flexible, spongy material that is designed to change size and shape. While it will not truly shrink, it will adapt to the size of the cage if it spends most of its time caged. As a result, if this occurs, it will become necessary to get him a slightly smaller cage to maintain the same level of security against having orgasms. The question of erectile dysfunction is possibly more of a reality, and yet many men who have spent many years with little or no release have found absolutely no loss in functionality. Remember that after any long term lock up with out being let out, it may at first seem as though it has trouble getting hard, but it simply needs a little time and use before it awakens to its full functioning. What all this means is that the answer to both questions is either yes or no, depending primarily on what you the keyholder choose...

Option one - downsize his 'manhood' for power, pleasure, and humiliation. If you have chosen not to use your man's penis for your sexual pleasure, it's size and potency really doesn't matter. Downsizing it by limiting time out of chastity to a minimum will serve to increase his humility and eliminate any remaining ideas of ever getting back the 'sexual prowess' he probably believed he had before chastity. It will also increase your feeling of power and control, as increase the enjoyment you already get from the various ways you have conquered his masculinity. This apparent shrinking only can happen over long periods of time, so it is nothing to worry about when starting out. While this 'shrinking' is not often a specific goal of a woman in a FLR, it really not that much different from the major goal and point of male chastity - that male orgasms are actually more harmful than good for a relationship, and that male obsession with their orgasms should be replaced with focus on female pleasure. Having a slightly smaller penis shouldn't really matter or effect your relationship negatively in any way, so there is nothing to worry about.

Option two - maintain the size and strength of his penis for health, training, pleasure, or fun. If you still use your man's penis for your sexual pleasure, but keep it locked when you aren't using it, there is little to worry about. Even if this is not very common, maintaining its function, particularly with the high levels of arousal a chastised man should experience when released, should mean his size is not reduced much if at all. Even if you have little to no interest in using your man's penis as your means for sexual pleasure, letting your man out regularly for teasing or edging will keep his member stretched and feisty while serving your power, his training, and frustration. Another great way to allow your man to have regular erections and keep from getting small or less functional is to unlock him frequently in situations where he cannot masturbate. Any time or place where you have him tied or restrained, or are fully supervising him during play, time together, or even chores are safe times to give him some out of cage time. Just be careful about this, because all it takes is for you to get distracted while your man is serving you in another room, and nearly all men who have been denied and frustrated will sneak in a quick ejaculation, ruining all your hard work and control. Using a little bondage or watchfulness, you man can remain in full time chastity and denied for any length of time and still have plenty of time out of cage in which to get partial and full erections, which should come easy and often to a horny and denied man. If you don't have PIV sex with him, rarely or never tease, and don't really let him out much at all, you can still maintain his size, or even enlarge his member with a minimal outlay of time and effort by using penis pumps. Just as the spongy flesh will shrink a bit if left too long in its cage, it can easily be trained to enlarge by means of pumps. You may choose to use these even if you do one or all of the other methods described, since using pumps on him is another fun and authoritative way for you to control, dominate, and train him. Make sure you read a bit about how to use these safely, because over stimulating him in the wrong way can result in ejaculation, which can also ruin your chastity training schedule.

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